A little cubby, okay fat.

My mom tells me that when I was in first grade I got teased, and other kids called me fat. I don't remember this. All that I remember was once we did a shadow silhouette and I thought I looked like a fairy princes and looked really pretty. After I started homeschooling, I didn't have anyone to reflect back to me what I looked like. So I lost track of the outer me, in crafts and reading, and all sorts of great stuff. I was a supper creative child, however I had two big vices, I liked to eat, and I didn't like to play outside. Looking back I know why I was a fat child, I ate a ton I would eat at least 2 Ramen Noodles at a sitting or 4 or 5 frozen burritos, stuff like that, even regular childhood energy will not compensate for that. This may leave you wondering, WHAT WERE MY PARENTS THINKING!

Well I will tell you what they were thinking and not just thinking, doing. My dad always made us eat a vegetable or fruit with our meals. He was a really prime example of eating good. Some days he would come home from work and say he had a really big lunch so he wasn't hungry, he would then sit with us through dinner and just talk to us. I always saw my mom eating good food. And I don't remember a time when either of them didn't make an effort to get good exercise in. They may not have been perfect but they did try their hardest to be a good example. But they never criticized my choices they let me be my own self. Even if that meant my own self was fat. Maybe I would have been good to not have the Burritos and Ramen in the house, but I don't begrudge them for that, plus something tells me I might have ended up fat even if I didn't eat tha

The most remarkable thing about being fat and being home-schooled was that I never got teased. I have no emotional scaring or baggage from when I was a child and was fat. That image is not who I am, or something I have to carry with me. Okay when I say I never got teased I mean, I never got teased until I went back to school. When I went to seventh grade I was walking down the hall and some kid yelled at me "hey fatty", and honestly that is the first time that I realized that maybe I was fat. Kids can be so cruel. It is sad that when a bunch of kids are put in that sort of social environment they have to tear each other down to feel good about themselves.

Mom was not oblivious to my weight. She could see that I was a chunky child. People would ask her if she was going to do anything about my weight, and she would tell them "when Natalya wants to do something about it she will figure it out". And surprise, surprise, I did. My mother never once told me that if I ate that it would make me fat. And because of that I don't have any weird love/hate relationships with food. Food is not an emotional thing with me.

I lost my chubbiness when I was 14. That summer I just decided that I didn't want to be this way anymore. I gave myself a "no, no list" stuff I wouldn't eat, started running, and I had a great support system that summer my friend Jaclyn, and my aunt Desiree all got fit that summer. What I learned that summer changed me for the rest of my life. I am a runner because I was fat. And I am glad I was fat because I love to run!

This picture was taken at the end of that summer

So how do you help your "fat child"? I think the key is to be a good example to our kids, whether our kids are in school or not. I saw my parents taking good care of their bodies, and after a long bumpy road I followed suit. I am grateful to my parents for the role they chose to take in my "fat childhood". Because of them I am free from carrying the image of the "fat child" around with me. And I live a strong healthy adult life

2D3A6D49-5F89-9B5B-123C-C7C8E20CA686

1.02.28

So am I socially retarted? Part 2

I left off my last post about how I had learned quite a bit about socialization in public schools. But the story is far from over so I will continue from after 7th grade.

In the summer between 7th and 8th grade we moved. I was starting over again. I thought I ought to try this school thing again. And this time around it was better, and worse. At my new school I never saw kids making out in the halls so that was a good thing, however I never made any friends. I want to make it very clear that I was my fault that I didn't make friends, and not the fault of the school per say. And it may be that if I had attended public school I would have had the social skills to make friends, but that is not the end of the story.

Mom, seeing that I had no friends, decided to do something about it. She gathered other home-school moms and created a unit study class. We met once a week and studied units; like ancient Mayans, or Columbus, things like that. That is the first time I felt like I had friends, I was still weird and awkward but these kids didn't care that much. What a breath of fresh air that was.

The summer I was 14 I went through a transformation. I decided that I was going to care how I looked. I lost about 30 lbs and 9 inches. You know its funny how different people treat you when you fit into their idea of what is acceptable. That school year I continued doing classes with my home-school friend. More advanced classes. We studied Shakespeare, the Constitution, and US history. I also started High school taking Stage Production, and a religion class. And the crazy thing was I made friends just fine. I was no longer and outcast, I knew how to make friends and did so.

I could tell this play by play, my ups my downs, the boys, the drama, but I will boil it down to a few sentences. I almost went back to public school full time I really did. I liked having friends and being accepted, but I didn't and here is why. Being at school didn't give me the time I wanted to focus on getting a good education. It gave me lots of time to be with friends but that was not my highest priority.

I didn't give up on having a social life. I just chose to control it. I consider my teen years to be some of the best of my life. My good friends were my home-school friends. We had many parties and adventures, all of which my parents would heartily approve of. We really had some great times

We have all taken widely different paths, but each and every one of them has a dear place in my heart. I love you guys, thanks for making my teens great.

So am I socially retarted? Part 1

What about their social life was (and still is) the number one concern from people who found out that my mom was home schooling. My mother at least never let on that that was any concern from her. But I am sure some people may wonder what the home-schooled child thinks about that. Or at least what one home-schooled child thinks about it.

When I left school in the first grade I did not have any friends. For what ever reason I was a social out cast. I don't blame that on anyone, I believe that it was largely due to my personality and partly due to biology (my dad has aspergers and I believe i have aspergers tendencies). I was not comfortable engaging my peers in conversation, I just hoped someone would come talk to me. It may be that a child with problems such as mine confronted with this situation day, after day, after day would eventually over come and make friends. But since that didn't happen we will never know.

Most of my childhood I only had two friends, my best friend and cousin Brindie, and my good friend Jaclyn. These two were the truest friends, never judgmental and always loving. However Brindie always lived an hour or more away, and Jaclyn was in and out of my life (more about her in later posts). So for the most part I played by myself. I did have siblings there are six of us total, but as they will lovingly attest to, I was in my own world for most of the time.

At Lagoon with Brindie

I was quite aware of the fact that I didn't have any friend, even the girls at the church I attended shunned me as a loner. While at times that bothered me, like when I was the only one not invited to a party, for the most part I could have cared less. That is until I hit preteen.

Preteen is the most awful age to start wanting friends. Simply because kids at that age are not very nice. But preteen is exactly the age that most home-school children realize they want friends and that the most likely way to get those friends is at school. So when I was 11, I signed up for 7th grade, at least part time.

I enrolled in Dance and Drama, also wanting to see if I was up to speed with my peers, in pre-algebra, and English. This year was wrought with "social experiences" I experienced name calling, kids making out in the hall, proper bus etiquette, and how to respond to teachers. (I did not incorporate these into my life). I am making this sound all bad and I did make a few friends, but the reality is that all of these acts were all seen as appropriate social behavior. Having grown up in a Christian home I knew this not to be true.

well it is late and this post is getting really long and I am teaching "Joy School" in the morning so I will continue this train of thought in another post tomorrow.

How to start home-schooling

My good friend and cousin asked me "how do you start home-schooling". I thought to my self that is a very good question. Seems so natural to me guess some people wouldn't know how to start so here is my answer.

One - Make sure you really want to home-school. You are taking sole responsibility for the education of your child. Society will hold you accountable for your choices (not that I advocate bending to the whims of society). As a naive child I used to think that everyone should home-school, but now have come to realize that it is just not the right choice for a lot people. People who are emotionally or mentally unstable should not home - school. Like wise if the home is not safe environment which will encourage learning, children will most likely do better in school. Home-schooling takes time, work, and dedication. Lets face it you will be dealing with those crazy kids ALL DAY LONG!

On the other had home-schooling is extremely rewarding. You are able to cultivate exactly what you want to in your child's environment. Children who are home-schooled are typically closer to their siblings, and parents. I have even found that most home-schooled kids don't go through what is deemed as a "rebellious teenage phase". If raised in a loving supportive home most home schooled kids just don't have the desire to rebel.

Two - Find out the home-school laws in the state in which you live. Some states have very strict laws, others have very few laws or none at all. Click here for a list of the laws by state, hlsda (thanks Nicole). Depending on the state you may be required to take yearly tests to asses you level of education, or you might be required to record of all of the "school" that you have completed. In Utah the state in which I was home-schooled the only requirement was that you turn a release form into the county school district declaring that you will be home-schooling your child. Other states require that you operate your home-school as a "private school", California I know does this. This is accomplished by filling out some forms, provided by the state, and in some special cases may even require a lawyer.

Three - decide how you want to home school. There are three main methods of home-schooling those being

1. Traditional, or what we growing up loving (or not so loving) called "Public School at Home" - this type of homeschooling most closely resembles public school, and is most logically what most people try when they pull their kids out of school, knowing no other form of education. While there are some families successful with this method (typically mothers with type A personalities). A lot of families struggle with it. Parents feel pressured to As you can tell I am not a huge proponent for this method. In my opinion this is to much work for the parent and does not cultivate a love to learn in children.

2. Classical - In this method parents don't rely on texts books to get there curriculum. They use good (classical) books to educate the child. It focases more on what the child want to lean and what level they are at, as opposed to what the should know or what level they should be at

3. Unschooling - This is more or less what it sounds like. Families who have chosen this method do not have any formal education in their home. The idea is that children are bright and will learn on his/her own. (quite frankly the idea of unschooling scares me)

There are several methods which fall under these categories. Such as K-12 curriculum, Charlotte Mason method, Classical Christian Method, and the Thomas Jefferson Education just to name a few.

You can also pick and combine parts from each of these methods, creating something completely unique to you.

Four - Start, pick one thing to do a start doing it it doesn't matter if your child is 5 months old. Education is a life long process and the more we learn the more we grow, don't be scared about making mistakes, because you are going to make them. Keep learning your self and take your child along with you. There is no day like today to change your life.

Television

When I was dating my husband (way before we were even close to serious), I told him when I got married it would be on 3 conditions: 1) I wanted to home-school my kids, 2)I didn't want any kind of game consul in my house, and 3) I didn't want a TV. I think he now wishes that he didn't agree to such a list, he has even told me that he wishes that he had come up with a contingency list too. Sorry honey but there is good reason for my list. That being I like TV too much.

I would call it my Achilles heal, and is the one thing I would change about my home-schooling experience ... well sort of. You see everything I know about science is from Bill Nye, ENERGY IS POWER. And I learned a lot of good social habits from channel 9. Like how to listen. I specifically remember a show where they talked about how to be a good listener, give the other person your full attention, don't ever look at your watch or act like you need to leave, repeat back to that person in your own words what they said. I've used those steps ever since I learned them. Years later my mom was telling me that she learned this new skill called "drive by listening" and I thought to myself I've been doing that for years, thank you channel 9.

On the other hand I probably spent way to much time in front of the TV, I am just grateful we were only allowed to watch educational channels like pbs (although we didn't' always obey that rule), and that we didn't have cable. You see I am easily sucked in by Television. I know there are much better ways to spend your time, but the allure is at times is too tempting. So my solution was not TV and it worked great for the first few years of my marriage, and then came hulu, and netflix. So I guess I am going to have to exert some self control anyway.

When I comes to home-school and TV, that's a hard one for me. It definitely has some benefits, but day long marathons are also not a good thing. I guess each parent has to decide what to let into their own house.

Oh so fashonable

Being home schooled had an immense effect on my self esteem. I was the most confident, intelligent, good, helpful, kind person I knew, at least in my eyes. Even my not so good parts, like my looks, didn't suffer. I would look in the mirror and find the good things about how I looked, I would say "thank you God for my beautiful long red hair and my straight white teeth. It wasn't until my preteens that I realized that maybe I was not so perfect. Even then I didn't go through identity crisis like most teens go through. I realized I wasn't perfect and was okay with that. I can't help but think that a child with that much confidence can't be a bad thing.

My favorite example of how confident I was how I dressed. I was not a skinny child, I had quite a few extra pound on me (which I will address in another post), and I had the most delightful wardrobe. I was so proud to get up every morning and say to myself "I don't care what other people think of me, I don't care what they think about how I dress" And I was actually really proud of how I dressed, I liked what I wore. The innocence of it makes me smile.

My mom never said anything about what I wore she just let me be who I wanted to be, knowing that if she had faith in me I would turn out just fine, and I did.

What I want most to say to parents is, don't get so caught up in the oddities of your child that you don't see their brilliance. Set a good example, put a bit of faith in them and they will turn out just fine.

Dad School

Mom did most of the school with us, but Dad was in no means out of the picture. Dad is quiet and reserved around most people, usually choosing to read a book in the corner rather than engage in conversation. But at home he brought Joy in love to our home. His contribution to our school started in tickle tackle, a game in which we stood at one end of the room and he sat at the other. He would then ask us age appropriate questions, like what color is your shirt or count to 10, and when we got it right we would run across the floor and tackle him, pushing him over. Often after the tackle we would suffer under tickling hands, but we took that as fair play and laughed and laughed.

Dad with us on vacation

As we got older dad Did math with us. In the evening he would give us problems for us to do out of our Saxon math books. The next day he would pass us off on the problems we got correct and give us new one. Wrong answers we had to repeat until we got them right. I had one problem for over two months, not wanting help and I couldn't figure it out. Finally my loving Dad sat down with me and helped me solved it.

And finally there was official "Dad School" summer times mom got a break and we got assignment from dad. One I particularly liked was writing short stories we would write a story, dad would find the spelling errors and then next day we had to use the words we spelled wrong in the story. This led to some very interesting tales.

Dad also instilled in all of us a passion for singing. He would go around the house belting show-tunes and songs from the 30's and 40's. Frank and Danny Kay became our real good friends. We would laugh hartily at Spike Jones and Smothers Brothers. It is from Dad that we got our sense of humor, he was always making the most ridiculous jokes and comments. At the beginning of the new year we would be sure to hear him say "this is the best dinner I've had all year"

It is only now that I am older that I realize how increadible brilliant Dad is. He always new the answer to all my questions. I only remember once him not knowing the answer to a question I asked and it was such a shock I still remember the question I asked him who invented the microwave. Who expects anyone to know that off the top of their head.

Now this is just turning into a rant about how much I love Dad, but he deserves it, Dad if you're reading this I love you, you're the best dad a girl could ever ask for.

Liberation

The greatest liberation for me about being home-school was not spending very much time on what I envisioned as "school". After spending a year in a class room, with a teacher I didn't like, with no friends, and only three recesses (which i didn't really care for anyway). Taking me out of school was like giving me wings. I felt like I was going from a alphabet poster prison to eternal freedom. I know we did school, because I remember mom threatening to send me back to school if I didn't do it, and I have vague memories of workbooks, but what I mostly remember is the freedom I had to learn and explore.

I spent hours in my room doing crafts, inventing knew games, and, well, making an all around mess. I would make cookies for math doubling the recipe so I had to deal with fractions. I spent time with my mom as she read to me my favorite books. I would go down to the basement get on mom's sewing machine and make silly little things to my hearts content.

I amused my self by orchestrating productions for me and my siblings to be in. I spend hours building creations with legos. I would use scraps of fabric drapeing them in every which way to become super heroes.

Every time I had a passion Mom would find something to expand upon it. Whether it be books, or classes, or supplies.

Yes home school was my Liberation

Devotional

If I was to pick one thing that impacted me the most about being home-schooled it would be devotional.

I heard my mom say one day that the only way she could make it successfully throughout the day was with devotional. And now that I am older with my own kids I can see what she meant. There is nothing like starting out the day singing praises to God.

Mom would play her guitar and we would dance and sing

"sing praises to God sing praises"
"our God is an awesome God"
"King of kings and Lord of lords, glory Hallelujah"

Never once did I not want to do devotional, which is saying something, because there were many times I didn't want to do other school things.

Here are the lyrics to my favorite song. This is written from memory but the autor is Larry Norman.

The outlaw

Some say he was an outlaw, that he roamed across the land
with a band of unschooled ruffians, and a few old fisherman
No one knew just where he came from or exactly what he'd done
but they knew it must be something bad just to keep him on the run

Some say he was a sorcerer a man of mystery
He could walk appon the waters he could make the blind man see
He conjured wine at weddings did tricks with fish and bread
Spoke of being born again raised people from the dead

Some say a pollination that he spoke of being free
he was followed by the masses on the shores of Galilee
he spoke against corruption and he bowed to no degree
but they feared his strength and power so they nailed him to a tree

Some say he was the son of God a man above all men
That he came to be a servant to save us all from sin
Now that's who I believe he is because of what I've seen
If we follow his example some day we'll be like him



We were taught during these time to write our own praise music. Mom wrote a piece of music that is still one of my favorites, and i wrote my one and only ditty about Jesus and while I can't remember the words to the ditty I remember enjoying the process immensely.

Because of devotionals I will always praised God with all my heart.

How it all started - for us at least

Mom told herself that she would never 1) write a book 2)have a baby at home and 3) home school her kids. The last of which led to the other two. I think the idea came with our crazy neighbors. Considered unusual by most standards a family that didn’t eat sugar, made their bread from scratch, had babies at home, and were planning on giving their children a home education. She was a smart sophisticated woman who planned on making millions one day, and he was the stern, hardworking, independent type. They had 3 beautiful children 4, 2, and 1 which was great match for my family with me being 4 and my sister being 2.

Making cake with my mom

I have just vague memories of that apartment but it was a joyous time, playing in the yard, making cake with our mothers, playing dress up, and other wonderful things. These are fleeting fuzzy memories for me, but for my mother this time was setting the ground work for a transformation that would forever alter my family’s life. She was getting to know these strange neighbors who were wonderful kind people whom my mother came to know and love.

In front of our apartment

When I was six we moved into a new house, and a new school, I had the year before attended a private school at a local university, and was now repeating kindergarten, not because I needed to but because the school would not let students as young as I into 1st grade. I had a wonderful kindergarten teacher who cared deeply about her students. I was always the first student to complete my work, which I loved because she who finished first got to pick her toys first. Although school was easy I enjoyed it, I had a best friend in my class, a great teacher, a fun play ground, heck I even had a boyfriend for a day, life was good.

My first grade class (yes I don't look very happy)

Then first grade rolled around, my new teacher was mean not just to me but to all of her students, my best friend had moved, and school was still too easy but now there wasn’t any play room to go to when I was finished, I had to sit at my desk and wait for the other students to finish. I have always had a fairly good attitude about life so even at 7 I didn’t complain but my parents could see a marked change in me. I was mopey, and unmotivated at home. I didn’t smile as much and spent more time alone in my room. At school I felt alone, and disconnected. I didn’t have any friend, and although I don’t remember being teased, I felt rejected by my peers. At recess I would wander the playground alone wishing that there was someone who would play with me, but there never was.

It was after this year that my mom remembered our odd neighbors from our old house and decided to home school. So instead of sending my sister to kindergarten and me to 2nd grade my mom my somewhat unqualified mom (at least in the eyes of experts) started our grand home school adventure.